When will I Get it Right

  After my mom passed away, my dad has been working so so hard by himself to make a living & a home for my sis & I. And I know he really loves us, he always do & so do we. And that's also why I feel so shame & guilty about myself. How I always can't get things right, all the mistake I've made, make me feel so guilty, stupid & sad. And it's killing me inside.

  Like what happen today, I was staying back after school for some school activity, but the teacher didn't show up, it turns out to be no meeting at all, just a so not true notice on a so damn stupid notice board. So then, I was hanging out with my friends, having fun, totally forget about the timing. But when I realize I was almost late, my dad probably been waiting. So I rush to the front gate, get into my dad's car, second I saw it.

  While I'm in the car, my dad looked ferrous. What happen? Then my dad started yelling at me. He said he's been waiting me for longer then he aspect. Then I looked at the time again, & I was 1 hour late, I must had mistaken the time, so stupid of me ! Worst when he found out I don't have activity after all. He was like :
 " Why don't you call me at the 1st time, so I can fetch you earlier ?! You're so stupid ! Use your brian to think ! Do you know how long I've waited? And I haven eat anything yet, now I'm late to work, & time for my dinner ! Don't even metion my nap !" My dad works from 9am to 9.30pm everyday, only can take a break at 3pm to 5pm everyday. In that time he has to cook us dinner, bath, & a rest. And my school activity is at  2.30pm to 4pm.

  So my dad has been yelling the monent I get in the car 'till I reached home. I said my sorry but I still feel so bad right now, it's all my falt, feel so guilty, makes me want to kill myself. He work so hard for us everyday, & that's how I relpy him, that's just so wrong ! When will I get it right? When I can have no worries for my dad? When that day come, will my dad be proud of me? I hope so.